The 8.9 earthquake in Japan followed by the Tsunami happened last ngiht.... didnt find out until several hours after it happened. I cant even imagine what its like over there.. or really all over the world that is being affected. We had waves here in CA hit us at 8am today.. some up to 5 feet high.. but not much damage has been done from what I understand. Im more inland so I really wasnt worried.
Iv been having horrrible nightmare lately but last night.. finally I had a very pleasant dream. I believe it was even profound.
I was doing something... maybe even painting when I walked outside near some beautiful trees ( looked like it was in the fall because of all the beautiful colors) and as I stood there looking at the trees a huge white bear was lowered in front of me.....and it wore a shirt saying something to the affect of " The sunshine is coming " I just wrapped my arms around the bear and felt warm and safe and loved... and happy.
Then I woke up to a fucking collector call >: C
lol....but the weird thing is there was sunshine when I looked out the window ( its been raining alot here)....and today I feel more at peace then I have in a very long time. I feel like I am healing.
Thank you God.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Same old story for all of us...
I know that most of us at one time or another have been in my situation. Un employed. I have submitted 30 + resumes and applications just in the last week to no avail. The only people that have contacted me were con's. Its been very depressing to say the least.
I have nothing to complain about with my life and yet I feel so un fufilled and down troddin. I spend my days looming about the house doing little projects here and there. John and I share a home so I know that ultimatly I have nothing to worry about. I will be okay.
So what do you lean on?
I consider myself to be spiritual and that has helped me through many dark times. However its not a big time killer. I sleep in alittle, read, surf the net, Facebook, Blog and harass my dog. I clean the yard and ponder my future as a Writer, Dog Day Care Owner, Call Center Rep or as a mom. I make dinner, clean the house and do laundry and feel very alone.
I am someone that NEEDS to have an objective. NEEDS to be busy with challenges and adversity... I mean thats all my life has been. I almost dont know how to relax. I dont know how well I could take being a mom staying at home. Dont get me wrong, I know being a mom is one the hardest jobs ever... thats part of the reason im contemplating not even having kids.
So, here I am... a lost little lamb. I sit with my faith in my heart and courage in my throat to venture on and make my way back into the world of employment one application at time.
I have nothing to complain about with my life and yet I feel so un fufilled and down troddin. I spend my days looming about the house doing little projects here and there. John and I share a home so I know that ultimatly I have nothing to worry about. I will be okay.
So what do you lean on?
I consider myself to be spiritual and that has helped me through many dark times. However its not a big time killer. I sleep in alittle, read, surf the net, Facebook, Blog and harass my dog. I clean the yard and ponder my future as a Writer, Dog Day Care Owner, Call Center Rep or as a mom. I make dinner, clean the house and do laundry and feel very alone.
I am someone that NEEDS to have an objective. NEEDS to be busy with challenges and adversity... I mean thats all my life has been. I almost dont know how to relax. I dont know how well I could take being a mom staying at home. Dont get me wrong, I know being a mom is one the hardest jobs ever... thats part of the reason im contemplating not even having kids.
So, here I am... a lost little lamb. I sit with my faith in my heart and courage in my throat to venture on and make my way back into the world of employment one application at time.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
A hot coal...
I think what matters most at the end of the day is who you loved, who you forgave and who you helped....that didnt deserve it. Maybe someone wronged you in some way. Hurt you to some degree. Forgive them. As hard as it may be..... forgive.
I have been able to forgive in the past but I have never mastered the forgetting part. Dont we all remember who hurt us more then who has helped us? Maybe that why dogs typically learn faster through negative association then positive.. but now im getting off subject.
There IS an art to forgiveness. In the end you dont carry around all that extra stress, anger and bitterness that will eventually destroy you. Stress is the leading cause of many illnesses and ailments and is not to be overlooked.
There is someone in my life that I STRIVE not to be like for this reason. That would be my dad. He has let anger, hate and malice eat him up to the very end. He is cold, calculating and rude. He cares for no one but himself and he is proud to say it. He hates the world and I wish I could change that. I have stopped trying to change him a long time ago and try and live my life as an example. Im no where near perfect but I do try and forgive and find love for my "ememies".... and when I do... its the best feeling.
When you FINALLY are able to truly forgive someone. Its like a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you feel liberated to be happy again. I love that feeling and it is so much better then carrying around that anamocity. No one says that you have to be best friends with the woman your husband cheated on you with, or your shady boss, or the guy that ran over your dog... but reaching forgivness will only serve YOU the best. Try and find compassion that your husband must have an internal reason for cheating. Maybe he is very insecure, or has been hurt in the past many times. Maybe the guy that ran over your dog was having a bad morning himself and just didnt see him. The point is finding compassion towards someones situation. It is the first solid step to forgiving... and when you forgive thats when you can begin to heal.
I still cant forgive my dad. I have found some common gound, some compassion in some things but so much anamocity is left for things that happened in the past. I wish I could let it all go... but until then I have to carry this heavy, heavy burden of anger and bitterness. It robs me of my happiness everyday.. even if he isnt in my life.
To the rest of you I hope you enjoy this beautiful fall morning ( it is in CA anyways) and let go of a little anger...or a little hate.. and feel a little happier.
I have been able to forgive in the past but I have never mastered the forgetting part. Dont we all remember who hurt us more then who has helped us? Maybe that why dogs typically learn faster through negative association then positive.. but now im getting off subject.
There IS an art to forgiveness. In the end you dont carry around all that extra stress, anger and bitterness that will eventually destroy you. Stress is the leading cause of many illnesses and ailments and is not to be overlooked.
There is someone in my life that I STRIVE not to be like for this reason. That would be my dad. He has let anger, hate and malice eat him up to the very end. He is cold, calculating and rude. He cares for no one but himself and he is proud to say it. He hates the world and I wish I could change that. I have stopped trying to change him a long time ago and try and live my life as an example. Im no where near perfect but I do try and forgive and find love for my "ememies".... and when I do... its the best feeling.
When you FINALLY are able to truly forgive someone. Its like a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you feel liberated to be happy again. I love that feeling and it is so much better then carrying around that anamocity. No one says that you have to be best friends with the woman your husband cheated on you with, or your shady boss, or the guy that ran over your dog... but reaching forgivness will only serve YOU the best. Try and find compassion that your husband must have an internal reason for cheating. Maybe he is very insecure, or has been hurt in the past many times. Maybe the guy that ran over your dog was having a bad morning himself and just didnt see him. The point is finding compassion towards someones situation. It is the first solid step to forgiving... and when you forgive thats when you can begin to heal.
I still cant forgive my dad. I have found some common gound, some compassion in some things but so much anamocity is left for things that happened in the past. I wish I could let it all go... but until then I have to carry this heavy, heavy burden of anger and bitterness. It robs me of my happiness everyday.. even if he isnt in my life.
To the rest of you I hope you enjoy this beautiful fall morning ( it is in CA anyways) and let go of a little anger...or a little hate.. and feel a little happier.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Im a Fatty McFatterson
No really I am. I love food. Currently im 5"5" and 195 and again trying to push myself through another episode of South Beach. Iv done it before along with many other diets... and they work...very well actually. IF you stick to them. Thats where I mess up. This time around I didnt even have the will power to start but since several friends and my boyfriend ( who is very fit) wanted to do it... I jumped back on the bandwagon. yeay.
Im on my forth day and have lost 2 pounds. I do feel better... but theres just one thing.
I WANT CARBS
I want to plow head first into icing, grab a chocolate cookie and float on it until I get washed up on a brown sugar shore...
but
I also want to wear shorts for the first time in 5 years. I dont want to spiral into depression during bathing suite season. It would be nice to feel sexy standing naked infront of the person that matters the most. Me.
So wish me luck...one more time... and ill will try relentlessly to trudge on through the battle fields of broccoli.
Im on my forth day and have lost 2 pounds. I do feel better... but theres just one thing.
I WANT CARBS
I want to plow head first into icing, grab a chocolate cookie and float on it until I get washed up on a brown sugar shore...
but
I also want to wear shorts for the first time in 5 years. I dont want to spiral into depression during bathing suite season. It would be nice to feel sexy standing naked infront of the person that matters the most. Me.
So wish me luck...one more time... and ill will try relentlessly to trudge on through the battle fields of broccoli.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Halloween Past and Present
I always get way to distracted about Halloween. I love it. I spent most of last week decorating every nook and cranny of our home, then taking pictures and uploading them onto FB ( Facebook) for my friends to review. I think that it all transpired from when I was a little girl. When I was living with my dad we never did anything for the holidays or even my birthday… it made life very depressing for me as a little kid. Especially living in a neighborhood where kids were surprised with brand new cars and toys on Christmas and I woke up to nothing. Not even a tree. Halloween however was the ONE holiday that I got to participate in no matter what. It was the one day that i got to pretend to be normal… for the most part…and i loved it.
FREE CANDY FOR EVERYONE!
Now, many years later I am still a child at heart and that hyper 8 year old still wants to go trick-or-treating…instead I dampen down those urges with impulsive little shopping sprees at the local dollar store for awesome Halloween finds. My partner, John, however isn’t as excited. He is really my opposite when it comes to these sorta things. He couldn’t care less if the house was decorated or not… and if he had his way we wouldn’t have any pets either… but that a whole ‘nother blog.
Last night I found a way to make a Halloween decoration at home that I have been eyeing on the internet and local Halloween stores. It’s a man covered in cobwebs like a cocoon, that hangs from the ceiling. HELLO PAPER MACHE! I can’t tell you how excited I was when i realized i had everything I needed to remake it. In stores I believe it’s about $50 for the thing retail.
All you do is find some “head” like item such as a balloon. Use paper mache to wrap it ( 2 parts water and 1 part flour, should have a thick but runny consistancy) Try and add a nose by standing the newspaper up when wet. Let dry. ( Apprx 24 hours) When dry you can add another layer to add stability or you can add in shoulders by draping more strips from the “head” down to an even surface like a table. This will make it appear to have "shoulders"
**Remember that it doesnt need to be perfect or even painted because your guy is going to be wrapped up in cobwebs.**
Once the head and shoulders are dry wrap with store bought cobwebs. Wrap them generously. Add spiders for effect. Hold upside down and hang.
So now I am off to finish my spider cocoon man and take in as much haunted cheer as I can for the next two weeks.
FREE CANDY FOR EVERYONE!
Now, many years later I am still a child at heart and that hyper 8 year old still wants to go trick-or-treating…instead I dampen down those urges with impulsive little shopping sprees at the local dollar store for awesome Halloween finds. My partner, John, however isn’t as excited. He is really my opposite when it comes to these sorta things. He couldn’t care less if the house was decorated or not… and if he had his way we wouldn’t have any pets either… but that a whole ‘nother blog.
Last night I found a way to make a Halloween decoration at home that I have been eyeing on the internet and local Halloween stores. It’s a man covered in cobwebs like a cocoon, that hangs from the ceiling. HELLO PAPER MACHE! I can’t tell you how excited I was when i realized i had everything I needed to remake it. In stores I believe it’s about $50 for the thing retail.
All you do is find some “head” like item such as a balloon. Use paper mache to wrap it ( 2 parts water and 1 part flour, should have a thick but runny consistancy) Try and add a nose by standing the newspaper up when wet. Let dry. ( Apprx 24 hours) When dry you can add another layer to add stability or you can add in shoulders by draping more strips from the “head” down to an even surface like a table. This will make it appear to have "shoulders"
**Remember that it doesnt need to be perfect or even painted because your guy is going to be wrapped up in cobwebs.**
Once the head and shoulders are dry wrap with store bought cobwebs. Wrap them generously. Add spiders for effect. Hold upside down and hang.
So now I am off to finish my spider cocoon man and take in as much haunted cheer as I can for the next two weeks.
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